I am blessed, sleep has always come easy. Even in my most angst fill moments, when I wring my hands whilst churning the words over and over again, "Can I do this? What am I to do?'. I would lay my head on my pillow, look to the muffled light creeping in from the window and wait for sleep quietly slips into the bed and wraps herself around me into soft restful darkness.

But in these days of much worry and anxiety, as easily as she comes, before the first birds begin their early song, as a slumber companion with much to attend to before the morning light, she departs. The comforting warmth is exchanged for simmering anxiety, almost on the boil. The words begin their churning, 'What am I to do? Can I do this?". Sleep is gone and she will not be returning until the sun has finished its course through the sky. Anxiety takes hold and is your companion until sleep returns...

So I lived with stress, feeling exhausted and stretched thin. It saw no end, always rising to a crescendo that is constantly pulling away. In addition, strange things began to happen. Most worrying was the fact that on some mornings, whilst cleaning my teeth, assiduously brushing the very back of my throat, my gag reflex would be triggered by the sensation of small pellets that seem to rise from deep within.

I would work to dislodge them. Once expelled I studied the strange things. They were quite small, almost like tiny white beans. Curious, having place one on a pice of tissue, I pressed it in between my fingers and then brought it to my now. What a pungent odour it had. A nauseating foul smell that you turn away from yet attracts you back for its unique composition.

My daily routine continued, beginning with anxiety in the dawn and dislodgement of pellets in the grooming hour. It went from just finding one or two pellets to gagging out three or four. I got worried. Even though I did not feel the internal imbalance of serious illness, maybe I was. So I mad an appointment to see the doctor. I felt foolish. What would I tell him, "Ehm, Doctor, I am feeling quite healthy however I keep finding these little stinky white pellets on my toothbrush." What would he say.

I nevertheless made an appointment. Before going however, I thought it prudent to ask a doctor in my life his opinion on this. I described to him the pellets. His response was surprising. He mentioned I believe three possible medical conditions which could be the source of the pellets. The most likely one in his opinion however was that it was linked to stress.

Stress! How interesting. Our bodies are strange and wonderful things. Indeed I was dealing with much anxiety everyday and my clever internal system, in an effort to expel this foreign entity, virus of negative energy was balling it up tightly into these pellets and shoving them out of me via my throat.

My internal system was determined to rid itself of pernicious elements that I was bring to it. It was as if my body was saying, if you don't get rid of this anxiety and stress you keep bring me, I will get it out, by hook or crook and it was in a way quite unpleasant to my conscious self, I would gag to get these stinky things out of me each morning.

So to avoid this, I needed to find efficient and effective ways of channelling out negative energy. I began exploring and experimenting with different methodologies to free oneself of stress. Listening, really listening to my body, the most effective solution, was the simplest, one I was well acquainted with from the very first instant of true stress and anxiety in my life, leaving the safety of warm fluid comfort of the womb, visceral crying that opens up the soul and lets all fear pour out until it is gone.

Yes, it is quite simple. When anxiety has built up to the point of live suffocation, sit on the floor, get a box of tissues and have a wail of a time. Seriously, it will make you feel better, cleanse your spirit and free your mind to grasp the solutions to move forward, to go from 'Can I do this?' to 'What can I do'.