quantity not necessarily opposed to quality

Beyond Thomas Mann and Patrick Suskind, I knew few other German authors. Wanting to learn more about the German literary psyche, a German friend who is a big reader like me, recommended was ‘Narcissus und Goldmund’, Hermann Hesse's masterpiece.

He said this was a book for one who loves exploring the dynamics of intimate relationships and self discovery.

Sitting on the upper deck of the Number 133 bus, pass through Elephant & Castle I read the forward to this much anticipated book and dove in.

What did I find? First off, it was not the intriguing gothic homoerotic story as the name and period in which it is set would suggest. I quickly realised, it was not even about Narcissus and Goldmund. This book's essence is about Goldmund and his journey of self discovery through a symbolic wonderings through a medieval empire field with sensory experiences.

We get to see the world through senses of a young man who is brave enough to live fully by throwing care and fear to the wind and fully embracing the delicacies that life offers with the birth of each moment.

An binding thread in the story is Goldmund's sexual prowess. Through his many adventures with many women Herman Hesse presents a challenging concept of sexual liberation and its society influenced shadow, promiscuity:

'...The last of the boyish charm and childlike naivete that so many had found atttractive in Goldmund had gradually vanished during these years. He had grown into a stalwart, handsome man... his heart belonged to woman, who could conquer him with ease....

He found it hard to resist a woman ans responded to the slightest encouragement. And although he was highly sensitive to beautyand mostly preferred very young girls in the freshness of their springtime, he also pitied and yielded to women who were no longer young and of little beauty....

From the moment he began to concentrate on a woman, whether for weeks or merely hours, for him she was beautiful and he gave himself totally. Moreover, experience taught him that every woman was beautiful and able to give happiness, that the mousy woman whom men ignored was cvapable of fantastic ardour and surrender, the woman past her prime of more than sad, sweet, maternal tenderness; that every woman had her secret and her magic, the uncovering of which brought bliss. In this all women were the same. Any lack of youth or beauty was compensated by some special quality....

He was not a whit more loving or grateful towards the youngest and the loveliest than towards the unprepossessing: he never loved in halves... Love and lust seemed the only things that could truly give warmth and value to life....'

Why is this passage powerful? I believe it raises the question of quantity vs. quality. In today's world, many of us, may go through a string of lovers, trying to fill a void. Each experience seems to leave us a little emptier than when we started.

Soon we claim the conclusion that our pursuit of quantity of sexual conquests does not necessarily bring us the quality of sexual fulfillment we crave. Soon we find ourselves leaning towards more straight-laced sexual morals, give up quantity so that you can find quality.

We develop a fear that sensuality is not possible when dealing in great numbers of bed-fellows.

Hermann however seems to say it that numbers is not relevant, because quantity and quality are not two opposing forces whereby you sacrifice one for the other. He dares to suggest that quality really has nothing to do with quantity.

It however has everything to do with fully embracing and appreciating the one you are with in this very moment, truly seeing them, embracing all that makes them unique and glorious. Be fully present and let the moment fully blossom to its most radiant potential.

Don't be anywhere else, be there with that person. There in lies quality. It does not matter whether you have had only seven partners or 253 sexual partners in the last three years. The number is irrelevant, linked only to your individual sexual tempo. The richness of the rythm however is controlled by you if you are able to fully let go of all else and be fully in the present.

Sensuality need not be lost in numbers, be they few or many...